She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
