guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's paint friendship bongs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
