Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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