Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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