so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
