im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
