He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
