Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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