Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
