We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
be right there i have to get my cape
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
