Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
