Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize