I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
