just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just high enough for therapy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
