Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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