people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
