I'm so fucking centered right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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