i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
