i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
