im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
