she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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