i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
