Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
