Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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