bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize