I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
