I can text with my tongue
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
