Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
