i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
