i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
