I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
