i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
