Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My bed smells like the plague
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
