dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
