Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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