Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
