We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
