i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
NoShamevember. You game?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
