there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
