Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
