Christians are straight up FREAKS
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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