I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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