I accidentally had phone sex last night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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