apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
