her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize