I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
