I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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