Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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