Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
