Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
