maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this beer tastes like vomit already
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
