oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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