I just cut my nipple shaving
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize