a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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