theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize