i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
