i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
