those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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