You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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