Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
