i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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