Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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