cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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