I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
