I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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