so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
