i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
