I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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