hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
