Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize