We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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