i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
