he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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