is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
